Ace in the Locker Room (Wild Cards #4)

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Then another then another then another… as I do parts of my life change incrementally. I start to love myself more. New challenges come — often I find stemming from my childhood issues.

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But I diligently take them on and win. Never lost a battle yet. Is it easy? But Is it worth it — is it worth the fight? For some of the glorious moments I have experienced, for some of the successes I have had, the wondrous peaks of happiness, utter pride in myself and proof of the positivity of life — yes. I have witnessed miracles on the journey. Born literally in hell. But I dont believe anyone has to stay there.

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Its a choice — a warriors choice. But you can win. And I believe life itself supports you on this journey. Some people are born, chosen to be alchemists to transmute the darkness into light. Be one. Like Liked by 2 people.

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But they taught me that it was possible to be loved for the short time they were with me and I carry memories of them everywhere I go. I had a score of 4-feel fortunate that I am a survivor in some regards. I believe you can either be a victim or you have the ability to change your situation-unfortunately, this highlights why some are never are to break that cycle, which makes me feel very sad for so many who cannot….


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Pingback: The A. Pingback: Self Actualization. Like Liked by 1 person. Understanding the past behaviors of others and how they shaped you are important. Your fear and anxiety will always be there to a degree its our biology as humans! They are extraordinarily important and tell us important things about ourselves — Our boundaries, limits, morals, etc. Keep them always! My ACEs is 9 too.

At 65, my health effects have started showing: diabetes age 62 , heart issues age 64 , depression for years , chronic anxiety for years , panic disorder age , and breast cancer age Thanks to Emotional Freedom Techniques EFT , counselling, meditation, mindfulness, a mild antidepressant, and a LOT of reading and learning, I have gained the perspective that was missing.

There is no quick fix but I now have real hope for my present and future. It is never too late! Trust yourself, have self-compassion. You are not alone. Pingback: Survivor-Led or Survivor Porn? Dad suddenly became seriously disabled when I was a kid and my uncle was murdered. Not only that I have a very strong faith in Jesus, and HE is what has kept me sane. Jesus has delivered me of alcoholism, depression, and overeating. Trust in Him.

He wants to save you and help you. You re right, this test doesnt account for all ACEs. Jesus is the solution to my ACEs too!! Ace: 9 , resilience questionnaire: 2.

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I isolate myself and have tried to kill my self twice. Trinity, please talk to someone at your school or someone you trust. There are so many resources out there to help. Medications, faith, and healthy relationships can all help. Reach out and let someone help you.

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Bless you. I was raped while drunk back in while I was drunk. I struggled with alcoholism until 5 years ago, from the age of 14, but I still smoke pot. I met my wife at the end of , were still together. I wanted to be dead by 30, at least that is what I would say. At 16 I had already tried killing myself and was doing the same thing as you, including self-harm which was apparent in my choice of friends. Difference is, you know you have issues and you want to change. My biggest regret in those days were the people I chose to cling to.

Get away from the drinkers. Drinking will fuck up your life so beyond belief, you will do things that will haunt you for the rest of your life while drunk — trust me. It is easier now to stop than later. Listen to binaural beats on YouTube. Delve into your studies if you can. Find a positive outlet.


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  • Exercise, surround yourself with good people. Consistency is key to a successful life, and it is also key in destroying your life. As you get older, you will find the less the world cares about you, or what happened to you. The view is: you control your life, you therefore have no excuse… which is triggering in itself, but true nonetheless. You are at a pivotal place in your life. Make the choices that are best for you.

    The only thing that matters is how you react now, which drives the future. Hang in there please. Binaural beats, please look them up. It helps me believe Tomorrow will be a better day. I isolate too. Trees and plants and nature are so sweet and kind and generous. It gets me through. We gotta keep believing. My Ace score was 8. I wanted to know if that was bad? I want to know if this is considered abuse also. My step dad yells at me and curses. He tried to hit me with a bat once, and hurts my mother. I feel suffocated and controlled.


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    • I have done drugs and tried to kill myself. Sometimes I do things so extreme to let my mom see me for who I am, I get into trouble for months. I have a lot of anxiety attacks. I feel like I have to do the biggest things just so my mom can feel like I am worthy to be here daughter. I just want to be normal, and I really want to know if this is abuse or not. Their lives had not been easy, and what they knew of parenting was the kicks and punches the delivered, believing that was what you had to do.

      The same CAN guide and help you…. Living by your wits at home AND in high school or some kind of boot camp setting can harden you, and make you brittle. Being able to see changes like that in yourself can turn the harshness and bitterness to more productive channels, making you a fierce and noble defender of others; someone who might, like you, be lost at sea and in fear of drowning….

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      Mine is an 8 and basically no resilience either. Just therapy, I think. Different kinds. What ways are you struggling?

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      Have you found anything effective as far as coping strategies? Finally, a 10 in something. Honestly, Im only 24, luckily not to many health issues, just accident prone and get sick heaps. This makes me fear for my future.